Because it's just too sad and frustrating and now I'm sick
I have not updated in a long while because I have too many things on my plate.First I have fibromyalgia, an anxiety disorder and ADHD. Only I don't have the last one being treated and the other two I'm having just sort of taped up rather than really fixed in any way, shape or form.My photography is taking off, in a non-paying sort of way. Models are starting to queue up to model for me and I have both women AND men that want to work with me.Not only that, but at the end of March I came up with an idea for an alternative erotica site that functions on a NON-hardcore premise (no penetration, or anything like that and I refuse at this point to shoot, "pink" as it is termed in certain circles) and found a female with a mind that works well with mine and though she has CFIDs she also is ex-Army and has an e-commerce degree (as well as two years in the sex fetish industry). So I came up with an idea, threw it at her, it passed muster and we had the barebones of a site up within one week.Already with no upfront pay (we're paying models based on revenue they attract, which might seem less fair upfront, but is far more fair in the long-term toward them) we have almost the entire fifteen models we need to comfortably start. I have the outline of what my PHP engineer needs to build and the style for my designer to work based on. And I have photographers (the non-jerk ones, I have to add, I've already met a couple real jerks online) that I respect onboard and shooting for us.Incorporation should happen shortly. I shot twice this week, I'm shooting this coming Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and then we're flying to Boston to drive up to NH (long story) in order to shoot one of my best friends in the world's wedding.It may kill me ... all of this working beyond my body's capabilities. Gods know I'm freaking sick as all hell today. But I have today and tomorrow to literally just lay here in bed and not do anything other than mentally keep myself as shut down as possible.Anyway, other sites do a better job than I ever could of doing a take-down on the things that matter to me politically, scientifically and even culturally.So for now, this will be once again relegated to when something so upsets me that I can't stand it ... I need to scream it out from here.