Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Overwhelmed by what holidays show

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Everything feels so unbelievably overwhelming and I have nobody here to turn to.

Erica has effectively walked away from our friendship. Shawn's apparently out of my life excepting alimony payments for the rest of our lives. My family refuse assistance with my care. Several people have said Will is mooching off me.

All I want for Christmas are friends, health, and security. Stability and platonic love.

And perhaps I should seriously attempt to do my legally assisted suicide plans. I wish there was a group I could apply to who would assist me through the process and maybe even help defray the expenses in exchange for maybe including me in a documentary or something like that?

There's Will and Tom being very different types and both of them have made derogatory comments about the other one that have both truth and misunderstanding. Will is correct about Tom's inappropriate behavior and Tom is correct that Will is a slovenly housekeeper who leaves a lot of mess for me to pick up after when I'm capable.

Femme Pois and Precious Petal are spending quite a lot of time near me - the nurse-like behavior seems to have passed from Purrbarella to Petal. When I'm crying FP will often climb up to my face to lick tears off. She only does it when I'm sobbing. Erica has seen her do it and we agree that it's not just for the salt. ;-)

My pets give me the strength I need to make it through each day. They all, even my fish, need and depend on me for love and comfort.

Which reminds me: I'd like to send out my annual Solstice card and mixed CD. If you're interested in one please email me your snail mail or text it to my phone via LJ if you don't have it. The exchange of thoughtful cards and/or gifts is always a nice thing to share at any time, but since my divorce this past June I have no family of my own...so this year feels like I just want to hide and yet I know that won't help at all...

Just some photos

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The sweetlings all get together so affectionately at this time that it's very nice.

Having the violent vomit attack that's as if I'm possessed last night truly frightened me. With Will leaving tomorrow morning and this stranger arriving to take Will's place for the next three weeks is also freaking me out, coming as it does right on the heels of an adrenal crisis/candida complication.

So just look at the lovely, loving and lovable sweetlings.

Posted for assistance - I'm having a bit of a dizzy spell so I hope it's ok!

Hi there!

Please read this ad very carefully.

Furnished bedroom available from December 15, 2011 through January 7, 2012. Rent is not money but for you to assist me during the three weeks my current roommate/assistant has promised to a good friend.

The situation: I'm a 42-year-old woman with a permanent disability who has Fibromyalgia, Addison's Disease, and other assorted health issues which allows me little ease. Prefer a person who loves animals, has a valid drivers license, somebody who loves loves loves dogs and is either a vegetarian or plays one at home with no regrets for missed home-cooked bacon. ;-)

The care of me is not onerous. I need assistance scheduling and handling doctors and their appointments, running errands, doing shopping, and light cooking (I normally do not eat very much). Going with me to the doctors and assisting me in getting around with my rollator is another aspect. I have a Prius for transportation.

Having your own life is very important, I know, and this is basically part-time every day, but working around your schedule is a given. I have good days where I can walk the dogs, and I have bad days where I can barely get out of bed.

As far as rent goes, my current roommate/assistant and I worked it out and it equals between days where it's $7/hr and days where it's $20/hr. In truth though it balances out to about $10/hr on average.

I have two friendly cats (that I'm allergic to) and two small dogs that need walking. Ones a Pembroke Welsh Corgi and the other a Miniature Dachshund.

Your shared housing is a two-bed, one-bath apartment in the Piedmont area of Oakland. It is quite lovely and there is a stream down the street, as well as a large park within a few blocks.

BART is also quite close, as is a Whole Foods, Safeway, Walgreens, and even a USPS. Very central while still remaining quiet and peaceful.

If you need a place to stay and can see yourself taking care of somebody who needs peace & quiet & as little drama as possible please get in touch. Walking dogs should be a treat, or at least a chore you find enjoyable. If you have a small one of your own it will make for a tight squeeze, but if all pets get along it will be okay.

To make life easier I think a vegetarian might be happier in the situation since all cookware, silverware, and plates have never been touched by meat and I keep the house veggie. Part of the problem is I have a very high scent sensitivity and meat/fish can cause completely debilitating nausea.

Once again: Rent & utilities in exchange or care and assistance. The room is nice and fairly good-sized and the neighborhood is central and quiet.

The things to do? A list of what I need in an assistant/helper:

Schedule doctor appointments
Run errands such as food shopping, the medicinal dispensary, and such necessities as come up
Make certain I eat at least two times a day.
Cook for me (very easy due to my light diet), make sure I have plenty of water, and keep track of my eating
Make certain I take my medications
Fill medication pill box once a week.
Take me to doctor appointments.
Help keep track of doctor visits, questions, med changes, etc.
Help keep apartment clean.
Do laundry
Keep track of my pain levels.
Scoop dirty cat litter daily
Take out garbage & recycling as needed.
Walk the dogs at least three times a day and feed them twice a day.

Socialization Needs Don't End With This

P25

Finally watched "The Darjeeling Limited" tonight (on BluRay (_finally_) on my (used) laptop) and it definitely deserved me to wait until I could focus on it and see just how impressive Wes Anderson's use of film, light, space, movement, timing, and how all of it tries to show more than the limited amount of depth interior-wise.

I've such a thing for large noses on men. Very sexy to me. Thus I've a veritable smorgasbord of sexiness with the three main characters. Do women and men truly have sexual experiences regularly or is this quick pick up sex just part of male interior dialog of fantasy? Seems a bit of a wish fulfillment by a short, only moderately attractive, man? Plausible if they're rich and/or famous or even just might infuse life with even a momentary bit of glamor.

Playing games to continue attempting to distract myself from things causing more unhappiness in me. Today Will and I had our first argument. Didn't go well. He actually stooped to saying I don't appreciate him. It reminded me of Al saying I didn't support his being a musician. Something do obviously untrue that there's a problem festering that I can't do anything about. With Al it was his homesickness and desire to move back to Boston and be near his mother again. I'm thinking with Will it has to do with his three weeks away.

He owns his own car. However it's not insured or registered as of now. I actually went with him to his meeting in SF on Saturday. By went with him, I mean I sat in the car for an extended period of time so he could go. And when he thanked me I made sure to say that he waited patiently for me when I had my therapy appointment and then went and got my hair cut so I could assist him this time.

I'm terrified because in a few days I'm going to be in a situation where I don't have any help and though I've an accepted application for my caregiver to get paid a wage, I've a bit of a wait. Plus whomever is my caregiver has to take a class or two and pay a fee to the county.

People who have said mean or thoughtless things about my health and need for help and that the care I need isn't remunerative enough, don't have a bloody clue. It causes me to get frustrated and feel insulted. Anyway, "The Darjeeling Limited" really has more than even "Steve Zissou" so far as depth and playing with sets and memory and it seems a good movie to pair with "A Scanner Darkly."

I suddenly recalled Allison and Thomas' movie nights in Cambridge, MA back in '98-'99. Those were such fun. We had so much fun...the nights of dinner parties and trips to apple orchards. Before Shawn.

Does anybody have the soundtrack? And does anybody want to go with me to use a Groupon code for a local diner Monday? Anybody have the ability and desire to take a drive with me and the dogs for a time away from here? I've a car with excellent mileage, a large tent, cooking stove and such, etc. so it could be pleasurable.

Black flamingo!!!