Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

I Wish I Had OCD Instead*

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* Not really

The room as it appeared with all pets accounted for and my worn out self are the photos attached to this post ... 7am PST on Dec 4, 2011. None of us look our best. ;-)

The insomnia is terrible and means I am awake, in pain, exhausted, and definitely overwhelmed. OCD is treatable because there are triggers for the anxiety that leads to the compulsive behavior. Apparently the hair pulling version feels good and thus doesn't respond well to treatment. But for the most part, because there are specific triggers, once a person learns to control their response to their panic attacks it opens up the world to them again.

There are no triggers for me to the best of my knowledge. My medical issues are at this point pretty well documented and I've had multiple doctors state their opinion of my health and what's wrong. Not a hypochondriac, nor a person even remotely diagnosed with OCD. Apparently quite a lot of it all has a fear of dying as the root cause that can cause a persons OCD to manifest later in life. One woman on the series "Obsessed" had spent I think over $50K in unnecessary tests and appointments.

I've definitely developed one of my Mom's neurotic habits of avoidance. Yes, I'm in massive pain and retching and PTSD and FMS and Addison's and all the rest of the hell I've had. Gaining this huge weight I can't control - which is moderately devastating. All the medications. All the alternative stuff I tried. But I actually have been fighting the avoidance a lot more since Will moved in. Sadly he's not as good as Erica at stopping me from throwing my lower back out - though he does try. I fell off my bed while I was awake and reaching to pick up a DVD that had fallen off...

Plus I've been attempting to do what I can to try and tackle (metaphorically) financial issues and my paper pile that reaches to the sky. Enough babbling.

Today's blood draw was for...(du-du-dah!)

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Serum stuff to figure out (I think) why my blood clotting labs keep coming back alternating between fine and not so good. Will walked with me and the dogs to the new Labcorp that opened up only a few blocks from our place. The dogs were happy. Will suffered like a man with the dogs in the cold while the vampires did their bloody deeds upon me. Any of my local friends good at sewing? He needs a zipper on his hoodie replaced. I can't.

The time I used Task Rabbit specifically for a lesson the lying bitch didn't know how and I was too intimidated to not kick her out or not pay her. I mean it said it right in my request for bids. I suppose that's why I've felt that I can recommend my friends to look to work for them, but I don't feel trustful after being burned first time out.

And on that note I will hie myself away so he can go do massive laundry and I can have clean sheets and pet blankets. Both dogs have made their necessary pet blankies on my bed even more necessary. I'm still hopeful a friend or two either can come assist me Dec 15-Jan 7 while Will has his housesit - to have to go back and forth every day is too much for that amount of time. His room is very nicely set up and he can store some stuff in his closet to make room for people either one of us finds that we know and trust.

Okay. The sweat's beginning to ease up. Time to change sheets and organize a bit...whilst and at the same time recovering from my extra fun extra sickness - dizzy spells and retching is SO much fun...

"Obsessed"

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Watch: Obsessed: Season 1: Nidia / Rick

I've watched only half way but it has the closest similarity of what illness can do to relationships on both the healthy partner and the sick's. It really shows how an illness, be it mental and/or physical, affects a relationship.

It's quite intense at times and there may possibly be triggers, but I don't know. They're very interesting and starting with the first isn't a bad idea but yeah, so far this episode shows too much of what we do to ourselves at times. And reading all the Victorian stuff it's not more intense now. People died from brain fevers or broken hearts or other mentally based sicknesses. "It's just really hard." "The anxiety will come down more quickly if you do not compulse."

People sometimes are stubborn to see things as they are. Pure evil is too dogmatic. The second episode has a fascinating OCD person who has thoughts of killing people. Yeah, I recommend "Obsessed" for the intense mental processes and "Ruby Gloom" for gravers and xgoths. Much more upbeat and cheery. And "Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe" for interesting shows that actually teach as well as entertain to the lowest common denominator.