Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Sick To My Stomach From Migraines and Unrequited Love

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Yeah, I'm "always" nauseous and the specialists who've had the worst problems figuring my innards issues and doing test after test that puts me in cycles that have worn me out to a point where I not only dread my GI appointments, but also fear them intensely.

Seeing a specialist in Neurogastroenterology - new one to me. I've had an appointment set up via my neurologist. Very scared and overwhelmed by the start of seeing a new GI specialist. AGAIN.

Learned I've gained weight back so even though I'm doing more and not eating more than usual I need to cut out soda and go back to seltzer when I have that fizzy need.

Watching Radiohead and crying from a combination of pain, nausea, and general distress from my missing Shawn. I hate that I still love him, but I do. And it sucks because he pushed me into the separation and then the divorce and I would never do either again...not the way he set it up so I was rushed through and I'm left looking back on a decade that has melted into misery when I even see somebody who reminds me of him. The pain is really bad so I'm going to post cute photos of my sweetlings and this embarrassing post before seeing what my plants need, if anything...

I do need to see if anybody wants to come stay with me for up to three weeks this mid-December so Will can go housesit and earn some cash while any friend who stays gets his furnished room for the stay. Yes, I need assistance but it works out to mostly less than 20 hours a week. The dogs and my doctor visits and sorting through my paperwork is the longest pain in the ass part of helping me. Luckily there are four loving pets to aid in the niceties of the home. And Netflix and PS3 and Wii and so forth and so on.

My bread machine works as wonderfully as my rice cooker. I've had two salads using the greens from my Aerogarden, which is a positive. I'm hoping to see Erica soon. I miss her. A lot. Oh well. Off to get some ice and "Smarties" - sugar pure and barely adulterated. :-)

Mid-December in East Bay!

Posting this so that it gets seen by my friends: Will has a temp job offer that would keep him away for three weeks mid-December so now seems like a good time to see about a short term stay with me. Part time care and free room furnished and including all utilities in exchange. Come visit me here and have a great time exploring all you can.

Parking permit provided if needed and if not, my car works beautifully for any short or long trips we may choose to go on. Three weeks living with me and the pets. Fun! At least that's the plan. :-)

More Love That Comes Unconditionally

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My sweetlings can't do too much more than they already do. Every night there's either three or four making it difficult for me to fit with them on my bed. Yes, I should be better about my health by not aggravating my allergies by allowing the cats in my room, on my bed, and occasionally waking me with their weight on my stomach or chest as they sleep.

The dogs take more room and even some blankie space, hence the double layer "pet blankie" for FP to sleep between.

While I appreciate Will as my roommate and assistant, I wish more friends would come out of the woodwork to hang out and watch things with them while perhaps cuddling.

Some of the pictures include all four pets, but with the darkness of three and the burrowing skills of one of those you can't see them all. In fact, currently at 7:30pm PST, I have three at my feet and Ein passed out on the floor betwixt her bed and mine. She usually waits until after her bedtime walk before coming running up the pet stairs to jump on the bed with everybody else.

There's a list of friends I miss and want to see and it's growing the longer time flows by. This week will hopefully see many things getting accomplished that will help both me and Will. I bought him a phone for emergencies. It arrives tomorrow.

I'm broke. Between pet costs with emergencies thrown in and prescriptions and COBRA and yadda, yadda, yadda...it just piles up and overflows. But my caregiver needs to be easily contacted. I may need a friend to come help me out if something goes wrong, etc. Okay. Enough babbling and back to my PKD novel, for now.

The Pain Will Not Let Up. OW OW OW!

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Yesterday Will and I washed cats and dogs (one each) and today he took the HUGE pile of apartment and pet laundry to a real laundromat in order to wash a LOT of things like my giant comforter and the smaller hand towels.

Today wrecked me because I'm foolish and there's so much that gets on top of me and there's only so much that I feel comfortable asking my assistant to do in my place that when I have enough sense to ask Will to handle things like the making of my bed I still end up doing too many other things thus negating it.

If Mike Rowe is single, straight, and not adverse to disabled fatties it would make me thrilled to go on a date or several with him. His dry, misanthropic, SF-loving self shows a sense of humor that I find delicious.

The sweetlings are all in bed with me, excepting Petal who is in Ein's bed next to my bed. Femme Pois is asleep with her head on my ankle as seen in one of the pictures and Zweite Ein's panting but has her back end creating a pile with us two. Lolita, Princess of Goth is sleeping on one of my body pillows. Precious Petal is sleeping so her head and one shoulder are leaning on a higher end of Blankie in Ein's freshly cleaned dog bed.

Feo just continues to look stunning. And I'm concerned about some very important life changes and not making the correct decisions and what it will mean. FP has put my whole foot and leg asleep. UGH.

I Love "Dirty Jobs" SO Much

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Having four clean pets for the first time in months feels wonderful. I even clipped both cats' claws and though Lolita was perfect, Petal screamed out her little bizarre voice as she fought to get away surprise-style.

I'm dealing with a ton of confusing emotions. And a lot of frustration with my living situation. For what future might I have. I don't really know who has my back.

So dreaming of Shawn recovering and reconciliation. And Petal just walked in screaming for some reason. And both dogs are on the bed next to me so the night is ready for sleep.

Will Will give notice at the same time I do? That's my biggest circular thought pattern currently. I need a big cuddle with a couple of belovèd friends. New volunteers can apply immediately.

Clean Sweetlings!

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I washed Femme Pois and got her safely wrangled onto the porch with Will's timely assistance. He's just finished washing Zweite Ein and now the rest of the day rolls on ahead with drying and brushing her damned thick coat at regular intervals.

After he has run some errands I may manage to come to a point where if Will feels able and capable that washing the cats will round out our home care. Depends on what he feels capable of. Apparently we had (have?) a small flea attack going on. None came off when I washed FP, but Will said about 15 washed off Ein so we need to wash all their bedding and so forth.

The dogs are noisily drinking water while drying off au natural on the back porch. Resting and recovering are nice and happy people and pets before the torment of the cats begins.

Need to get to Target to pick up a few plastic crates to start finishing up my keep from my sell from my donate from my garbage so my apartment feels more homey and less squished. It's a very slow process but when another box gets broken down it really brings a little burst or glow of happiness.

And now for a step back to ease off the throttle as its threatening to choke me from anxiety creep creeping. Le sigh.

Nope, Anxiety Amidst Animals Does Negatively Affect My Anxiety...

I could really use a visit with a lot of cuddles inclusive, and soon. I'm trying to maintain calm in the midst of hot flashes, back and some other small painful muscle spasms, and anxiety attacks.

Another Ativan and maybe a bit of pet cuddles after I bring my stress levels down to a good median range. I've got the MST3K Gamelan set and a joint Poirot and Marple set and all the Creature Comforts as well as Sondheim and such. I just need popcorn made and cuddles shared whilst the joint pleasure of these individual bits fit together quite securely to call the night successful.

Come and share your popcorn making and cuddling skills with me. It can bring much peace and joy and happiness. You will get to meet Petal even! And if you are like Erica perhaps washing some pets can get added to your visit. ;-)

<3

Dirty Jobs With Mike Rowe & Cortef Booster Shot

Will told me about the reality tv show "Dirty Jobs With Mike Rowe" when he heard about my falling in love with "Hoarders." Started watching it late last night and so far I'm enjoying it. Not nearly so good as "Hoarders" but good enough to keep me interested.

After continual postponement due to various things I got a Cortef booster shot I've needed for ages. Will managed excellently. It was the quickest, easiest, best managed since Erica left. So hopefully this booster will pull me back together a bit.

Yesterday I had blood drawn for labs needed by both Dr. Linfoot and Dr. Young. It's going to be interesting to see what's up with my prolactin problem. Seeing Dr. Neuwelt at Dr. Young's request. He may have more labs he wants depending on what's possibly going on with the autoimmune issues that show up every so often.

Petal's brought a lot of happiness into the home. Will mentioned that he hadn't ever really seen cats and dogs playing together and giving one another cuddles and affection. Petal's brought that more fully into our home. She and Femme Pois have fun batting at each other, for instance. She's on my leg as I lay here waiting for my adrenal functions to react to the boost.

My room needs to be cleaned and I need to set up my sound system and my 360 and I need to call IBM COBRA people about due dates and trying to alter it to fit my financial dates and I need to call HP about my monitor stopping working on my netbook so need them to help me troubleshoot. I would also appreciate finding somebody cute who might want to make me popcorn and then cuddle while watching a show like maybe my new MST3K Gamera collection and eating tasty popcorn and cuddling. With cat and dogs cuddling too!