Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

"A*Sexual"

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Yeah. I would definitely define myself as currently quite asexual. No desire and no worries. My perfect relationship would be easy to describe to the right person. Not talking about celibacy. Just to be clear on that front.

Jackie, my "temp" caregiver, and I drove to the Walgreens to pick up Ein's meds. As I turned into my driveway we both stared as I stopped in the middle as Ein was running down the side! She forgot to close and lock the front door! Both dogs came when called and the cats were inside still and nobody had walked in. Luckily. She's young and a bit awkward, if that makes any sense to explain why she messed up.

Raul returns on Friday, along with a cousin and two friends. He's effectively on vacation until the second. Which is fine. I'm definitely looking forward to his return so the plants become his responsibility again. If any die, I don't want him blaming me.

Okay, I'm sharing a picture of my four Sweetlings all scrunched together on the floor of my bedroom, taken this afternoon. Femme Pois is the blue blankie and Ein has her head resting on a couple of my slippers. And the cats are just taking in the sun.

Should I mention that Chip, my sister, and my Mother and Stepdad all helped contribute to me having a pleasant December 25th this year? And I'm very alone, for the most part. Jackie keeps me company some of the time, but it's very isolating, my life. So a pleasant day is worth mentioning.

"Thanks For All The..."

If you're the generous giver of "Tangled" - the four-disc combo and Steampunk Gear, Gadgets, and Gizmos? It arrived in my mail today with a major screw-up of no name of the giver and the prices listed and so forth. I'd call and kvetch as how come the gifted gets the prezzies with no hidden prices and no name to thank.

But, if you read this? Thank you so much! Let me know who you are, please?

The number of friends having birthdays around now is astonishing. Lots of friends born around the Winter Solstice. Happy Birthday to all my friends ... I'm wishing for good things for you all, but a bit more for those born around now. LOL! ;-)

And now back to smoking and watching "Futurama" with commentary and subtitles. It's fun on a bun. Especially since Raul and I love watching a lot of the same things and we both LOVE the series. Starting at the beginning and heading onwards.

Ps: if you'd like a card from me - send me a PM with your snail mail, your cell number, and your birthday. A card won't be thrilling, but it's fun for me to send to friends. :-)

Damn These Sinuses! And A Thank You.

Dammit, but my sinuses are killing me. They hurt! Argh doesn't begin to cover it. Nor does it cover the side effects of it. The pain and nausea from dizziness. It totally blows.

Melissa Gianelloni sent me a surprise in the mail (two, really): Jelly Belly 50-flavor Gift Box, and a 5-color oil-based Sharpies fashion color set.

I tested the Sharpies on a glass jar I've saved my medicinal herb in. Two colors are great so far. I've tried the purple and the orange and they're exactly what I'd hoped for when I put them on my wishlist. Yay! So thank you to Melissa. And thank you to Chip for everything. Including the card.

The holidays are coming upon us so quickly this year. My tree's not up this year, tiny and old as it is, at least it looked lovely when Erica put it together. It's still in the storage unit. Ugh.

Did find an IHSS provider via my Craigslist ad. An attractive younger woman who lives within walking distance and is willing to cover any times that Raul needs off for his family time at religious holidays, such as now and Easter. Hopefully things will go smoothly with her not living here and coming to handle things three times a day.

On that note, I do have space available for any friend who might want to visit me for a chill Winter Solstice and New Year. The 24th-25th we could watch holiday movies galore and NYE we could be boring and do the countdown before beddie-bye. Mimosas for the evening. Or Xingu beer.

Loneliness, Thy Name Is Molly Black.

Even "Red Dwarf" isn't helping me out of this huge lonely pit I've become mired within.

I miss the company I've lost.

Does it seem odd that if I could I'd love to have a job in something like reality TV? My disabilities keep me from trying to attempt to do things that could move my life forward.

Woke up to a feeling of self doubt and worry that my heart hasn't been in the kindest place. A sort of feeling that I'm blocked off from my heart and thus not sharing the best of myself with the world around me.

But, in defense of my self, my stupid illnesses have me looking out for relief from their effects and have me just treading water. Which makes me a great person to hang out with, for the most part, but not exactly the outgoing social butterfly I used to be so ecstatically.

Protect me and love me and in return have an amazing cuddle partner that comes up with great business ideas and chips in more than my share so that we always have a happy home. I'll bake once in a while and share the joys of my movie and book collections at the drop of a hat.

Looking My Age

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Watching "'Baseball' by Ken Burns" first episode with Raul at his urging. It's a decent background documentary to have on when writing or playing a non-action heavy game.

We have fun teasing one another.

Mel picked up her stuff and sent me a text apologizing for what she did. I had to tell her she can never come over again. Really painful. Honesty and forthrightness are best, though they can hurt and dismay. On both sides.

Today was a decent day. I look tired and without makeup. Both true. And possibly also my age, if not older. Okay, nighty-night.

Every Day Brings More (What?) Stress.

This morning started with a police officer coming over and taking my "case" of my stolen Methadone and Xanax so my missing medication can be refilled by my pain specialist. I'm definitely not pressing charges or anything like that. I'm merely doing what I was told I must do in order to not have my body go through withdrawals.

The past week has been pretty hellish honestly. The pain is just horrible, but hopefully my body can recuperate once Raul gets back in the swing of things. He's snoring, apparently happily, in his room as I have "Red Dwarf" Season 5 in the background in my room. He's a huge "Star Trek" fanatic which makes a lot of our hang out time very fun; our geekiness in fact meshing well. πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€

I could really use a friend to step up. The letter of my definite IHSS approval arrived today and that's great because whomever helps me via IHSS can even get insurance which could be fantastic - plus the 97.1 hours at over $11/hr...it all equals good stuff for whomever helps me and it has me thinking a place of my own will be cheaper and better (at least for me). Any friend looking for a part time job in the Oakland area? Or maybe somebody wants me to move in with them? I'd like that…with the right friend, of course.

Back to Lister, Kryten, the Cat, and Rimmer (oh, and Holly) while resting the horrible back pain and hearing Raul sawing logs in the bedroom next to mine. I need a lot of pain relief. The stress is huge enough I should probably get a Solu-Cortef shot ASAP.

I'm still interested in being a third sister-wife where my inability to procreate isn't a bad thing but instead a good one where I can help watch the family children or having a certain person come grab me and let us build our home off the grid - yet still close enough to see my necessary doctors every few months. Love is all I need. πŸ˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜΄πŸ˜¬πŸ˜–

"Sister Wives"

I'm near the end of the second season. I'm enjoying it from an odd perspective: I lived as a polyamorous person for most of my adult life, I grew up with another family in my home, the four children being brought up as a sort of non-sibling sibling, and honestly? Without the religion, I'd really appreciate being a third sister-wife in an extended family - that's if Chip never proposes. LOL. Why not adopt a religion that allows for poly?

Anyways, I'm sick as a puppy thrown around in a clothes dryer.

Raul returns in about an hour and I'm relieved. I'm so desperate for help and I appreciate both his help and his companionship. Very much.

Sunday Morning Musings

Mel called me from the rehab "they" placed her in. Same one as her friend she was just visiting was placed in. She doesn't remember anything, including my hospital visit, which shouldn't surprise me. I told her I think she needs help and that I love her very much but she can't ever come over again.

Then i qualified that with a maybe - after she completes a rehab treatment, but even then I don't know because I don't want her having all this temptation. I ended up crying from the stress of her call - I told her how bad it is for me with no help but I'd rather collapse than have her help when she's this sick.

However this means I'm alone, sick, and in pain.

A positive: My Mom gave me a total of $2K for my teeth as a surprise present! So UCSF has plenty for my cavities to get a good start on! Half helped is a very good thing. Plus it's a big deal that she did that.

So lots of bad (I'm sweating from the nausea/pain blend currently), but a good.

Oh! I fixed the wireless on the TV so Amazon is direct now, thanks to their partnership with Samsung. Yay! Netflix and Amazon Prime are pretty much all I need for entertainment, though I wish Amazon had closed captioning (cc) as well. If Netflix can, why can't they?

Today is a day of trying to take it easy, whilst still doing what I can to make it easier on Raul to pick up the reins. Dishwasher ran last night so later I should put away what I can. Cat litter is deadly, but more than I can handle outside of basic large clump removal.

But sweating when resting is never a good thing. I'm definitely in need of rest and recuperation today (and tomorrow and more days onward). BPG delivery is coming out of funds I shouldn't touch, but if I need medication, I need it and can't muck about with it.

And with that I'll end my musings of the morning and wish any readers a great end of the month and a fantabulous December.

2012 is ticking out slowly...

TG Day Planning & Financial Fears

It looks as though Raul's heading south to his family for both TG and Xmas, whilst it appears I'll have Ms. Blau's company during his away time.

TG din-din menu plans:

1. Tofurkey
2. Stuffing
3. Mushroom Gravy
4. Cucumber Salad
5. Mashed Potatoes
6. Candied Sweet Potatoes
7. Pecan or Apple Pie
8. Pumpkin Pie
9. Cauliflower Au Gratin

This is just a rough guide, depending on my health and capabilities of course.

I've been even more sick than usual and it feels pretty horrible. Having to spend all my available energy just on getting out of bed is tough on me in every way, but I'm still struggling to take each day, hell, each minute it sometimes seems, as it comes.

My financial situation seems to get worse on a daily basis as well. I'm struggling with the cost of COBRA which is a heavy monthly burden, as well as my medications not covered. This next week I need to find out if the removal of that cost will help or hinder. My teeth are my biggest current financial burden, but it is truly the piling on of the above and the unmentioned which have me getting so fearful and frustrated I get afraid of each day I face.

On the plus side I've had Raul, Carl, & Ms. Blau on my side, helping out when they can. If I get IHSS approval it will make for a huge help that I desperately need. So here's hoping, and here's thanking, and now to wrap this up and move forward through this pain.

Being Broke Like This = Suckage

I'm sort of in a state of depression because of bad thoughts swirling around. The dreams aren't very leaving a great aftertaste in my mind upon waking.

Positives? Raul so far remains a great choice. IHSS called yesterday morning to schedule my in home interview. Having it in less than two weeks.

Hoping that it goes excellently and it may even mean help by paying for the time when Raul needs breaks. Unlike now when I'm stuck begging my friends to assist me through the times he has off.

Like, ummm, now. :-/

🎢🎢 I'm in love with love as we always are. I wish I could bring you two, too, to. 🎢

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