Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Craigslist Ad Statistics (Let Us Follow Them)

My Craigslist ad has had three applicants in three hours. No dog lover/vegetarian/over 30 combo yet, however.

One with a dog, one with a cat, and one relocating from NYC.

One 55, one 40, and one 29.

No stated vegetarians. One worked in a holistic veggie kitchen, one thinks they can survive without it at home (that's a strong negative), and one waffled so I'm unsure.

Two women and one male.

So Much To Think About (Blur Thoughts)

Blur makes me think if I could find a pretty man with brains and creativity that's my age and likes caring for their partner AND finds chunkiness either attractive or at least not a deal breaker I could fall in love again quite easily. Especially as I'm no longer a size queen (LOL). Blur: "Girls And Boys" "Charmless Man" "Song 2" "To The End" "The Universal" "Country House" and on and on.

Classical and old-time jazz and musicals sometimes needs really brilliant sexy alt pop rock to balance the entertainment. I could right now be in a cottage anywhere in the world with my pets and be just as comfy if not more so...

Listening to music on my new (refurbished) HP Pavilion dm-1 that took three prior tablet and netbook attempts for me to choose. However it is already having small touchpad issues. I had no desire to settle and I needed something I could rest on my middle with no pain. Super inexpensive but very nice and very necessary. Need to get my wireless printer hooked up properly. And need to start shredding since I got shredder oil to fix the one I've had for ages.

Need help and I hate it. Heck. A friend to drive with me or drive me? We could do photography afterward - maybe by the water? Or maybe with the dogs at a park? Any friends want to model? I could shoot after errands? My photographic skills to create beauty within beauty haven't died. They're just needing me to shoot and recover what skills may have atrophied.

Now to walk the dogs around the block. And take my meds. And see about mailing things tomorrow maybe? I can't do it by myself because I don't have the strength and endurance. The dog walk will just about end me for the day thanks to my double-whammy disability causing retching. Dammit.

New Craigslist Ad - Please Share with Apropos Friends

Well, I rewrote my ad - well, I edited it so it is almost exactly the same. I only formatted it, changed it to one cat, and put photos taken today in it.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/roo/2480386074.html

This ad is a start...I may still end up going for a paying roommate or a smaller apartment for myself and the pets. Friends who I've known a while might consider taking advantage of this as an easy way to make the move to the Bay Area (I've several friends I could direct this idea to).

Friends and family who have a cottage or an inlaw might consider offering me the opportunity. Money saved from either a paying co-habitant or moving to a smaller place for just me and the pets would hopefully pay for the other necessities I need help with. As I keep writing.

Sunny Back Porch With Pets

(download)

Trying to take care of the pets and the home and myself and yet not wear myself to a point where collapse occurs. I can do things very slowly that will keep the pets fed, exercised, and well cared for. Better than myself, in fact. See them on the porch with me. I included a pic of the 2nd bedroom. Why not, right?

But the longer I postpone finding either a caregiver/roommate or even a new place to live that fits my basic needs for ease (first floor with no apartment above me or just an artists studio or cottage on a friends property with a place to let the dogs out) the closer to collapse I'll end up.

Now I'm divorced perhaps I can marry a Canadian or European or New Zealand friend to go with my media and pets for better health care and love of companionship bringing us together. Ah well, I can dream. Even this sick and disabled I have a lot to not only offer, but to bring to any relationship. Platonic or romantic. Or some odd mix of the two.

This was supposed to be just the pets but I've got so much whirling around in my head ever since the finalization of my divorce, followed by Purrbarella dying, and the next day the three days notice. Yes, I gave her two weeks the same day, but that would have given me care I need while going through this chaos.

Tracy told me to stop berating myself for having bad judgment. I'm unsure of what to do next. Should I look for a roommate, paying only, and hire a part-time assistant? Should I find a less expensive place through my current management company and move to a place of my own?

Money saved to go to part time care? Safeway delivers for between $4-$10 and that done twice a month is nothing. For $79-/year I can get the pet food delivered at no extra charge. And so forth. To have the flat cleaned professionally twice a month and the same with my laundry - all comes to beyond reasonable. So my biggest needs remain doctor visits and help getting around.

I wonder what to do next...oh. Besides making sure I take my medications and eat my yogurt. I'm only several hours late. My memory fails when it comes to care of my self. I could really use some help in the interim. Anyway. The pets are okay. I wish I was.

More Of The Pets

(download)

If you look carefully you can see Ein's scrunched self by the pet stairs. She's so funny like that. And right now Lolita and FP have their butts touching

It's gorgeous out again. I'm trying to pull my head together. Part of me would rather find a cottage or one story one bedroom, either with yard access for the dogs. I could set up my veggie only grill and put in my doggie compost for ease, cleanliness and ecology, and if really lucky I could set up my washer/dryer pair.

Not that I want to move again. But I do want a more permanent home and need to make things like stairs not part of getting in and out of my next place. And especially ease in giving the dogs outdoor access.

Future And Present(s) - Pun Fun

I have almost definitely decided to not go for Stanford Pain Clinic's program. If I can't handle the past couple of weeks I don't know that I can do the strenuous work. The PT I met with said that it starts off with mile long walks and that's beyond my capabilities. I've been trying to do more as she requested & it's as bad as 2009. The only hope would be the hospital would be keeping an eye on all these problems.

  1. "OXO Good Grips Bottle Brush"
  2. "Thermos Nissan 26-Ounce Travel Companion Stainless-Steel Insulated Bottle"
  3. "BIC Soft Feel Retractable Ballpoint Pen, Medium Point, Black, 12-Count"
  4. "EcoSafe GKL032195-1 2-1/2-Gallon Compostable EcoBio Bags, 25-Count"
  5. "rooCASE Super Bubble Neoprene Sleeve Case Cover for Amazon Kindle Wireless Reading Device with 6" Display 3G + Wi-Fi (3rd Generation and Latest Generation) (Black / Pink)"
This was made possible by two gifts from friends. Caitlyn and Bridget both gave me presents of credit at Amazon and it meant I got the equivalent of 50% off thanks to them. I purchased two things for the house and two things for my care and one pretty cover to slip my Kindle into when going out. The thermos is for me to put ice water in to keep near me - though perhaps I should get an insulated pitcher for home.

I managed to walk the dogs but this time the pain was aggravated by the difficulties they offered me tonight. The pain is driving me nuts. Utterly. And having to try to care for the dogs, the apartment, doctors, medications, finances, and so forth is too much for my body to handle. Easy and quick as a normal person. If I could sweep the sickness away I would in a heartbeat.

Maybe I should find a paying roommate and use the money saved from their rent and utilities toward paying for a part-time assistant. But if that could be possible I would want to move into my own place and not have to deal with the probable drama and lies and so forth.

I'm tired of everything. Though the gifts helping me buy necessities and a gift for myself was a quick bright light of affection and care.

Suddenly I smell burning wood for a short while. There's a point my body can't go past. I'm wrecked.

We Do The Best We Can

Losing my voice from doing a small effort has me back in bed. I've opened the screen door and have two small fans attacking the heat with their little might. Too sick to eat right now, but I have cocoa Chex and soy milk to make a quick bowl of cereal later. And a sliced plantain soaking in a light sugar water since last night will make a nice snack later when I can stand for a bit again.

I don't want to be sick. My last alleged caregiver actually told me to my face she wished she was sick so she could lie around and have people care for her.

I quoted her to Tracy and she had a similar reaction to mine: not only insulting but showing a complete lack of awareness of what most disabled or sick people feel. No real compassion. Or understanding.

In fact I don't know a single ill person who feels like that. Fine with their illness or disability in the care needed. Most detest needing assistance and submit to it out of need, not want.

The pain and nausea make everything barely bearable but yet we try, we walking wounded. Whether it's physical or mental or a combination of both...we try to maintain as much independence as possible. If I could not need help I would dispense with it and be happier for it.

The 4th of July stands for independence here in the States. Ironical 4th of July. Also the anniversary of my marriage for Shawn's family and our friends.

The pain has me beaten for now. Oh yeah. This is just awesomely wonderful. All my sick and disabled friends join me in celebrating our status.

The Pain Rules But Friends Come Before

I've got a multiple mixed migraine. That means light, nausea, and pain are all mixed up and ruling my world.

It's surprising but sweet that several friends on Facebook came forward to send affection and thanks of their own to Tracy for assisting me today. So wonderful that her love brought her out to me to help.

I'm suffering incredibly now. Increasing as time goes on. I need to go to Target and other than that I need to rest and stay in bed.

Crying hurts but it's from pain and tension so maybe tears will help ease the two. The strain and stress of the past few weeks might send me back to the hospital if I don't have rest and recovery and don't have a chance for my adrenal status to come back down from the heights. Or do I mean depths?

Must lay down with no distractions for a bit. The hot flashes and the nauseous pain mean I must rest for a while...

Pets

(download)

I have Femme Pois and Lolita, Princess of Goth in bed with me. FP cuddling with me is comforting and I only hope I can take care of them better than Purrbarella. Though that was out of my control. As is my health.

See how huge Lolita is? I need help trimming her claws. It sucks I'm allergic to cats. It sucks I've become unable to handle my chores of walking the dogs. Tonight I seriously thought I might blackout on the stairs afterward. Tomorrow scares me. The things Candice just let go once she got all her ducks in a row are small but more than I can handle.

I'm Sicker Than I Appear

The time where I'm alone and needing help that I can not expect to find. It's scary being this ill. No exaggeration needed ... "Into The Woods" helps a bit. I am so lucky to have my two dogs and remaining cat.

However I just walked the dogs and couldn't make it back up the stairs after. I'm shaking and retching. I'm terrified of the fact I'm close to an emergency hospital stay and it's apparent that if this continues I'm going to end up with the pets uncared for.

Trying to find somebody might be easy but finding a trustworthy person is more difficult than I ever thought - _incredibly_ difficult I've learned this past six months.