Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

All Caught Up With An Expensive Future Looming

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Pain and nausea are beating my butt and now I'm in bed with a penicillin prescription as my tooth pulled isn't healing at the top of its capabilities.

Things at home are still settling down even more. Raul remains here and we've succeeded in forging a good roommate/caregiver dynamic. The pets appear quite satisfied with him and he has struck Alpha notes just perfectly with the dogs.

My mouth work is entering a serious period of six months of work at UCSF's Oral Surgery Hospital where dentists go to get advanced training in surgery. No students. No matter which way we plan my mouth is getting six months of work and the total after my insurance kicks in equals $6200-. Ouch isn't an adequate exclamation for what's looming.

The apartment looks a bit different, but in a good way. Raul's been helping store stuff and slowly we're developing a home that works for us both until we can afford a larger space. We're also planning on selling as many things out of my closet as we can.

There's chickens we need space outside for, dangit. And yes, Oakland allows a certain small number of chickens on small parcels. The pictures are of Carol Tavris speaking at Ohlone and my new water pipe purchase with "Jack Herer" and "Lambs Bread."

And I'm going to hope the pain eases up. Because I'm hurting. Ouch.

Rough Night; Need Comfort & Love

Went with Ms. Blau to run errands for her, than Target for me, then an ICU visit to a good friend of hers. Though I only know him from online and his being a friend of a bunch of my friends, the situation apparently hit me harder than expected.

Luckily it waited until I got home.

Eating junk food while sipping juice and seltzer and then Raul made me a simple broccoli over rice dinner. After only a few bites I couldn't swallow any more. Difficult to explain.

Every time I tried to swallow this liquid came up and choked me. Realizing I was sort of choking I got Raul to grab me plastic bags to vomit into. After a small burst I stayed still - still unable to swallow without choking worse. Managed to slowly, with bag at ready, paper towels at my mouth, cane to ease my slow shaking steps to the toilet. There I managed to throw up one gigantic chunk that reminded me of the yellow pills in Austin.

It hurts incredibly. But even though I can't eat, I can breathe a bit more easily now. I've got plastic bags next to me. My pretend hospital bed is keeping my legs elevated and my back on a good incline.

Tonight has been horrible. But Mel and Raul each did what they could...especially Raul with his searching out 60s music and dancing for me to make me laugh in spite of this incredible pain and nausea and fear I'll need hospitalization again.

I wouldn't want to watch somebody struggle so hard to breathe and I scared Raul pretty damned close to where my fear level reached. Absolutely painful. I hope tomorrow doesn't hurt nearly as much.

Home(s) Desperately Needed For 2 Cats

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A cousin of mine just contacted me with a desperate need for homes find her cats a good home. They need to go by this Thursday. Yup, by October 11th. Help?

They can go together, or separately as they are more affectionate with humans than with each other. In other words, they tolerate each other but have never been best buddies. They are both spayed and microchipped and will come with litterbox, carrier and food. Winnie is about 9 and Butternut is about 7.

Anyone interested can email, direct message, text, and/or call me so I can connect you to her immediately.

Please pass this on and know that you'll be happy with these loving ladies in your home. Indoors only and a reference of ok if you rent and don't own.

There's Only So Many Ways To Say OW etc.

The pain has me well in grip and same with nausea. Hoping most for a reprieve or a mild break some time sorta soon. Because it sucks to have this waiting for you soon as you wake. You just want peace and quiet and no pain or nausea for a period of time greater than five minutes at a go.

As if.

Now I'm off to try for rest before the great tooth pulling adventure of 2012. It starts today, in less than ten hours. All the top front eventually bye-bye in order for a partial denture, top. Trying to save as many as possible of the rest. 30 teeth need work out of a normal grand total minus three and now the rest.

To claim a need for love, care, and affection seems about normal given this situation.

Teeth Update

This may bore 90% of my friends, but this is for my own self and the ten percent who care, either for my own personal news or for following Addison's Disease coupled with FMS and a huge helping of steroids (in my case, hydrocortisone and fludrocortisone). Oh, and my medical marijuana lessons learned or learning.

Went to UCSF with Mel driving me and Raul. We made it just in time for her to drop us off and not be over five minutes behind schedule. It turned out to be a great visit. Well, in some ways. 30 teeth with need. The plan thus far: I'm losing all my top front teeth and getting a partial denture. We're aiming to try to save as many of the rest as possible.

Now I have my Medi-Cal card along with my COBRA insurance there's hope my part owed will not devastate my finances. First tooth comes out Friday. Hopefully Ms. Blau can drive but if Raul gets his permit, or Carl decides he'd like to hang with us in SF that would also work.

The interesting thing: I'm not being worked on by students. I'm instead in the adult residency program: My dentist has his degree and real world experience but has come to develop surgery skills - particularly surgery skills that can handle people in my "complicated medical history" situation. So the room is separate from the students area and is instead a fairly private area. I'm scared but my plant meds are helping.

We took a 15 minute stop for me to check the herb at The Apothocarium. Ended up leaving with two first time visitor gifts and an industry discount as speaking with my aide led to mutual high coincidences being learned.

We lived in the same building at one point and thus had the same landlord. She lived in my building (around the corner from my current one) before she relocated to Richmond. She was pretty, sweet, and very helpful in putting my order together. Lambs Bread and Jack Herer for our medicine cabinet. The former really made Raul's day!

Chip comes in a couple of weeks which is a huge hurrah so far as I'm concerned.

The rest of this week before the removal is all about resting, saving my body from too much stress, and informing all the medical billers that my Medi-Cal has kicked in, with a healthy chunk of retroactivity. Yay!

Deadly Realization...

I've turned into my mother.

I'm on my couch, watching the first season of Saturday Night Live and I'm stoned.

Laughing pleasantly and with munchies. Alone (after my roommate/caregiver has medicated me and gone out).

No children and with disabilities, there's some major differences between our frameworks, but there's frightening similarities. Like our senses of humor, diet, and love of animals. And so on.

I've had happy cuddles with Ms. Blau. Not sexual in the least. Merely wonderfully warm and friendship filled. I'm very happy lately with Raul's geeky and Ms. Blau's very feminine friendship. Basically they're who I'm spending a lot of time with.

I'm So Tired

Finished watching Season Four of the new "Doctor Who" and whilst pleased Mr. R. Davies has kept interweaving things into the background to become full of meaning later on, I'm fairly pissed at the crappy sewing up of Rose (no spoilers beyond that, no worries).

I've slept most of the past few days and it's times like these when it's really freaking obvious I need a caregiver for the pets just as much as for me. Walking, feeding, caring...I can't do any of that when I'm so knackered I can merely sleep. Two days straight. The only reason he managed to get me out if bed was because of the show and all. But now I'm stuck here, in bed again, at 5:30am PST, and I just want to sleep for days and days.

I've told Raul I'm going to take him to The Melting Pot with my voucher and made our reservation for mere days before it runs out. According to the woman taking the information there's a lot of LivingSocial vouchers being used last second. I've my illness to blame but what's everybody else's excuse? Anyway, last second uses of several coming up this next couple of weeks. And I'm scared of my health - tears streaming down my face from the pain and the ever present exhaustion.

Next up? A break for the original Doctor Dalek brouhaha and maybe even "Torchwood" if Raul's innate geekiness wins out. He's a pretty good roommate and he's learning to be a good caregiver. Which for me equals good dog and cat care, along with getting our home cleaned up and organized. He does leave messes about a bit, but he tries to keep them contained. Plus he washes the sweetlings regularly (yes, even the cats).

The worst right now is my financial status. I'm definitely drowning though I'm trying to not buy anything outside of a few treats for my mental and even my physical health. The Melting Pot voucher was purchased in May, before I was in quite such bad straits. Not that it's anybody's business but I do want that clarified. For my own peace of mind. Don't need people thinking I'm kvetching at the same time I'm doing something like this voucher.

I'm really hoping I don't need to go back to hospital. But I'm sick and sleeping far more than I should be. If it doesn't ease up soon, this may require an in depth look. Again. And a breeze just came in my window, wrapping me up in its chilled arms. I've lost my heart ... and why steal from Donna her perfect love? No, Season Four could have … well, I suppose the ending could have been less corny and possessed more heart at the same time. On that note, I'm off to hope for less nausea, less pain, and more love.

I Need A Date, Sorta...

I've two tickets - one for me and one for whomever takes me - to see Devo and Blondie at The Warfield and I've left getting my partner in crime until the very last second. Need a person to drive me (my car or yours) to the concert and to wheel me around.

Other than a hoodie, I ask for naught in exchange. Yes, I'd like a hoodie memento and if you can drive and can afford to get me a hoodie I'd be thrilled.

My current caregiver doesn't have a license or he'd go. This night means a lot to me. I'd appreciate going with somebody who it means a lot to as well.

I'm dealing (coping?) as best I can with a hurtful situation. Physical pain AND emotional pain both have me in their grip. It's just overwhelming and I'm ready to curl in a ball and just give up.

There just doesn't seem to be any hope whatsoever. Giving in to the worst of the negative just feels right, right now. I'm definitely giving up because to consider myself beyond ugly isn't a joke. It's what I see when I look into other peoples faces for responses.

🎶 Feeling So Lonely I Could Cry...🎶

I tried using images in the title of music notes but I'm uncertain if they'll show up as anything but gibberish.

My health has been taking a good beating of late. There's so many stressful things I'm barely able to cope. But if I'm trapped alive in this nightmare there's naught to do but struggle onwards.

I've a pass for whomever would like to drive me and my wheelchair out to dinner and then to the Warfield to see Devo and Blondie this Monday, the 11th. Show at 7pm. So if you have a drivers license, a love of the two bands, and wouldn't mind taking me out to eat at Phuket or Golden Era beforehand, my second ticket is yours. The seats are near the front, in the disability section.

It doesn't need to be romantic or anything like that. I'm just looking for a friend of either sex to take me out on a mutual night out on the town. It's a Monday night so both restaurants may be closed. But I'd really enjoy going and having a fun time.

DM or PM me to let me know if you can and will. I'm not expecting that many responses but if I don't ask I won't ever know.

I'll be dressing up a bit for the fun of it. Wheee!!!

Death. Can. Not. Come. Quickly. Enough.

P836

"I'm. Dying. There's. A. Skeleton. Eating. My. Face. The. Plates. Of. My. Skull. Are. Bouncing. Off. Each. Other. Like. Islands. Untethered. In. A. Storm. Owie."
-- Molly to Ms Blau

Wish I was over exaggerating but I'm not. Not much, anyway. It's like a hellish hangover without any of the fabulously fun precursor. Chris said he'd bite the bullet and pretend to put out if it would help. Ms. Blau's coming to help out and spend the night that _my_ Raul must head back to SoCal for family and work.

I'm going to pet name Raul "_my_ Raul" because I showed him the joys of "Eating Raoul" and I'd call him Raoul, but they're pronounced the same which would make it a pretty poor pet name. Talk about seriously lame private jokes. I can't believe he's the first to get the joke underlying the "diehackdie" name choice.

The picture doesn't capture the tears streaming from my barely able to open eyes.