My chest feels ready to burst. My stomach is all twisted in on itself. My eyes seem half blind so finger typing takes longer. There's a dark shadow hovering over me, causing intense yet nebulous fear. I'm freaking out and if asked why there's causes enough, yet I couldn't say which started my interior screaming freak out.
There's a ton of paperwork to get in order for my food stamps application. Plus I need to figure out which bills take priority and then pay what I can to the lesser ones while still leaving enough so when rent comes due I'm still solvent enough. Checks for small amounts to hospitals and doctors. It's so overwhelming that I can't breathe very well. Full on panic attacks are dangerous. Especially when they have valid causes. And there's no help from anywhere. Just more demands for faster and now and so on.
I'm freaking out because there's too much and I KNOW how Diane felt when she made her decision. Still not going to take a lemming leap, but gods I feel like I'm ready to.
So she's sending me a return addressed envelope with a request for my medical cost proof and once she receives that she's pretty sure I'm definitely going to get approved for food stamps pretty immediately. The rest? Still pending. But Medi-Cal would be a huge help as well. I need the financial aid that much.
I have this weekend to get all the documents ready, as well as to pay what bills I can.
My voice is going again. I'm crying a lot from a mix of physical and emotional pain. I'm trying to hold it together because I'm doing everything I can.
Talked with the dental office. They can't handle my situation. So next week they hope to have set me up with UOC (I think that's the acronym she used) for a look at my mouth and a talk of what to do. Oddly enough my social services woman turns out to have a daughter with epilepsy whose medication is doing the exact same thing and she's getting dentures. So I just heard exactly what I'll go through if they end up going that route with me. A few teeth every few weeks as it affects your heart and your immune system so they need to do it very slowly.
So much bad stuff. Scary stuff. I'm truly blessed by Chip's generosity as seeing Stephen Hawking will be a wonderful night out to a once in a lifetime event for me. And the free passes to the Comedy Central taping is another such event, if not quite as erudite. And so on. Even a visit from Mel or Carl helps so much. Or a joyride with James to various places. It's too bad there's no Dunkin Donuts closer than Las Vegas according to a search I did. I should look for a Krispy Kreme...
Okay. Time to set up fans to get air moving through the house. This is rough.
Seriously.
But I'm still not a lemming. I'm maintaining - even with another adrenal crisis looming.