Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Ho-Ho-Ho-Hoarding! Animals, That Is!

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Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the biggest animal hoarder of them all?

Perhaps not my Mom, but I do wonder. Watching the brand new second season of "Animal Hoarders" on Netflix continues the duality inducing feelings of there's my Mom and these people are sick. Seriously sick. And yet I'd never have guts to call a show on her. First of all she'd refuse. Secondly I don't think she'd ever ever ever see that she has a problem that's destroying her husband's health and wearing him slowly down. Especially since he loves her too much to really complain to her directly. But I know he has said things to other people than just me.

Chris is a guy who by his own admission looks a bit like the actor Billy Zane. We met on OKCupid somehow. Our personality matches certainly didn't put him in my "quiver" or anything. But tonight was his second visit and once again we had a great time. Nothing romantic or sexual definitely! But he definitely is fun to talk to and watch movies with. Shana let him in when he arrived and she told me before she went to sleep he puts out good energy. Yes, she's definitely NOT a skeptic or even close. More on that some other time.

But just like Shana and I have so much in common for all our differences, the same goes for my burgeoning friendship with Chris. He's definitely a trip and a half. And he makes me delicious whiskey-caramelized popcorn. He even offered to come over later today (well, Saturday) to see about making me fresh, from scratch, funnel cake.

I did a LOT today and I had to beg off to see how I handle today. If the extra steroids keep helping me sleep fully, if still on the wrong cycle, and get up out of bed. I even cleaned up and restarted a new salad greens cycle on one of my Aerogardens. Faxed (again) my certification to BPG for in home delivery. Cooked plantains that all three of us happily noshed on. Heated one of the dinners received by me from Project Open Hand. I share those with my companion since we're both effectively poverty struck.

My financial situation is dire. Mostly due to my medical costs and my sudden drop by $600/month in alimony payments. I need a lawyer. Just to help me sort the mess I've made of my life out. My free meals end at the end of August it appears. It's amazing how much that helps. As does each credit card being paid off. I actually overpaid one so in the next ten days I'll get a check to deposit in my account to put toward food. My savings account is almost completely depleted which worries me. Granted it took almost a year, but still...I'd hoped to put it toward a downpayment on a house, instead of each month it getting whittled away by emergency pet care, emergency medical costs, and so forth.

If I could I would buy a place in a heartbeat. I miss the house in Austin. Knowing Jafo and Raine destroyed it and Shawn walked away from it due to the destruction by them and the destruction in himself does hurt me. Almost on a daily basis.

If I could have Shawn take Lolita and Petal I would. But he has refused point blank to take his cat. And refused to help in her care. And I can't give her up. Not now when she's older and freaking me out by licking her hair off (two veterinary visits of $100+ each for nothing). Everybody's asleep in the room with me. Two dogs and a cat on the bed and Petal camping out on the office chair in the corner.

There's a foster care group called "Seneca" Shana told me about. $2000/month to keep a bedroom available, and $110+ for daily care when you have a child brought to you. Plus all medical and schooling paid. Plus daycare paid if needed. That is incredible! I mean, if you have your own child you don't receive that aid! It doesn't make sense. But all you need is to have a separate bedroom for the child or children, an approved safe apartment or house, and your own income from anything, be it disability, a job, unemployment, or spousal support. You do need to take their courses. Anyway, Shana thinks I should apply. That's why I researched it.

It's definitely out of my capabilities now. But maybe I should think about taking the courses just for the experience. I don't know. About anything. I've been offered a fondue dinner out in exchange with a foot fetishist followed by a movie while he massages my feet. Is that too little to ask or does that make me a paid whore? Even if no sex occurs? LOL. Seriously. I don't know where those lines are anymore. I love fondue. He loves massaging feet. I haven't allowed anybody to kiss me since the last time I was with Shawn, years ago.

That's a whole other topic.

Not a single deep kiss in all this time. No real allowing of my body to drop its defenses and sink into that perfect sensual understanding that a perfect kiss shares. There's only a couple of people in my life I'd even seriously consider it with now. Z**, W****, C***, and maybe two or three others. Nobody seriously involved with somebody already. I've definitely left the land of poly, at least for now.

I've written a lot but barely scratched the surface of my thoughts. Off to try to sleep before the sun rises. I'd like to not wake up, but if I must, it would be nice to feel a little love, but maybe I'll have to settle for homemade just for me funnel cake. We shall see.

I'm exhausted. I have an endoscopy and spagiography coming up this Thursday and with a 7am checkin, I've got no chance for sleep based on the timing of all the prepping. I'm seriously trying to pull myself out of this and sleep and I just realized I almost forgot to change my Vivelle.Dot before sleeping.

Good night. At least for now.