Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

I'm oh so tired of this

Why can't I find a nice normal person to live with? Now Candice is pissed off at me & like Rhianna she's drinking too much and asking for too much too fast and I'm stuck being a bad guy because my insurance isn't set up for her to just take my car whenever she wants.

So I'm sick enough from going out with her yesterday that I've lost my voice and she is angry with me for daring to say no to her unfair request. We've only lived together a short while for one thing, she's not covered if I'm not in the car for another, she's not taking care of her chores, and I'm just over it.

I'm sick of trusting people with my credit and my bank account and my private information only to end up regretful. I don't go out blindly searching and begging. Rhianna asked me for the opportunity. So did Candice when I interviewed her the second time. I'm foolish and I could use a friend and Lolita, Princess of Goth is wandering the halls crying for Erica or Shawn.

I need to finish writing my outline of what the chores are and figure out if Candice should move on if getting me water when I've lost my voice is too fucking much to ask. Need cold flu medication. But little miss perfect won't be going since I can't lend her my car. Or at least that's the impression she has left me with.

I'm sad and in pain and dammit if I'm not a good candidate for legally assisted suicide due to my ever increasing pain levels and my lack of a home life where I'm necessary or indeed even a place in the world where I can fit...all of it still leads me to fulfilling my desire for legally assisted moving on, as it were.

Any real honest to goodness help in achieving my long intended goal of legally shuffling off this mortal coil will see me grateful and I'm pulling together the necessary funds as I'm aware of the high expense. Any help is serious in easing me from this almost never ceasing pain and nausea. Family, therapist, ex-husband, several close friends: All know and if approve is the wrong word, let me say they know and understand and would help if they knew how. This is not a hidden goal in my life.

Please help. The pain is bad enough. The nausea and stomach pain makes it unbelievably worse. And the loss of my beloved husband to divorce and my inability to find a decent caregiver so far has pushed my limits far past what my death offers me. I want release from this pain and nausea and my life has come to a point where only ending it offers me any hope.

Only assisted legal suicide offers me hope. Any help is all I want. If you can't understand or don't agree I seriously don't need to hear from you. Your view is the normal knee-jerk reaction that is selfish and ignores all I'm suffering from and through. Don't harass me with your choice for your own life. I've heard it enough.