Just More Melodrama in July
It was, in it's way, a major relief. I'd wondered early on about his voice, but let it drop with little further concern after the first week or so. It didn't shock me, though I did keep asking why it had taken so long to tell me. Especially considering all of the opportunities he'd had to say something, all the openings due to discussions we'd had about friends of mine and such. He couldn't really give a satisfying answer, but no big deal.
Then the very next day we had our first fight. One that ripped me apart and caused me to sob for what felt like hours.
Just like I'm sobbing now.
Because as I was laying in bed watching a series on animal attacks on humans allegedly on the rise, just relaxing, I turned and noticed James looking at me through the screen door. He burst out with news of a sudden and unexpected nature: He found a place to live and he's moving out. He'll come over to walk the dogs and take me to appointments while I look for his replacement, but he just doesn't think this is a good situation for him.
He kept stressing it not being me or my fault, but as I told him, ever since he came out to me he's been weird toward me. Like the fight the very next day felt manufactured which contributed to my dismay and long crying bout. And now this? He had a lot of time to bring problems up. He certainly could have let me know he was on the hunt for a different living situation rather than going behind my back and everything.
I'm beyond hurt and I'm beyond betrayed. Which I did let him know I felt.
Before he went to bed he did give me a booster Cortef shot, which I desperately needed at this point. But this really hit me, as I had absolutely no idea that he would do this. I thought we were becoming friends. I felt like this was a good situation for both of us. And I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle. There's something missing from the equation that is just being hidden and would allow me to understand if I could see it.
But while it's missing I'm stuck feeling utterly devastated and truly betrayed. When he told me my stomach just dropped and it's not recovered yet. I'm not recovered yet.
Need to start looking again. I told him I hoped this was a repeat of his sudden "I'm homesick and going back home." That would mean in a couple days he'd ask me to take the ad down as he realized it was just him freaking out. But I don't know. I'm going to try and just move on as though he won't come to his senses.
I'm emotionally wrecked from all my medical and financial problems which already have me overwhelmed. Losing James as caregiver and as roommate just exacerbates my whole messed up state. I need something to help me get back to at least a semi-safe feeling. Because as of now, I'm feeling up shit creek without a paddle.
