More Change Of A Sudden Nature
I'm so sick of people who ask me for the chance to help because of their "innate caregiver capabilities" who turn out to not only not have any of any real capability but also betray their lack of care by, oh, say planning on leaving behind my back even when I've told them I would give them tons of time of notice. I am not trusting what the other person says when I interview them.
But this maybe is a good thing. I had already written to Erica to ask her for help. She's been the best of anybody, and not just because she's my friend. Unlike others, including my ex-husband, she recognizes illness and need of help. Not just with me, but with others too.
Anyway, as of now I don't have a caregiver and as of Saturday the apartment is "all mine" again. Unless Erica chooses to assist me utilizing the outline I created for my Craigslist ad. Which hasn't changed. I was foolish to not do a more thorough check on Candice. Her alcoholism and regular drug use is normal for a Bay Area 26-year-old. But it makes for a shitty living situation which can lend itself to abuse.
Next time I try this: Over 30, past professional experience in care, vegetarian, dog owner or dog lover, capable of stability, no high drama/high maintenance types, quiet and peaceful, everything the last two hid from me and would have kept me from choosing them I will make damn sure to keep from having in my life.
Gods, the fact it's not even two hours a day and she fucking had the gall to make nonsensical attacks: the apartment is not worth the money, for instance. Yet it was fucking fantastic when she came the second time and told me point blank how much she wanted to be the chosen person.
And it really makes me angry that she started all this after I wouldn't just give her the car to use. That's when she stopped giving any care outside of the bare minimum for the dogs and my morning yogurt. Yeah, fifteen minutes MAX every morning to give me a yogurt and a medication pill. That's it. The fifteen minutes is if you add in the dog's care.
I'm upset and I'm angry and I'm glad I gave her appropriate notice because I'm less of a backstabbing cunt than she is. Hah. I'm so motherfucking sick I can't make good choices. I would have picked the other woman, but she backed out since she felt she might have to leave to go care for her Mom. That made it easier. Which, stupid me, should have warned me off.
On that note I will just say that maybe living helpless by myself will be good for me. The state may end up having to assist me if I end up hospitalized again due to this. Which, I'm afraid to say, is highly likely.
Though there's always hope that this will kill me. Then she can have two on her conscience.
I have Lolita, Ein and FP to keep me company.
I just changed the phone plan so she could call her sister for free in Germany. That's how "bad" a roommate I am and hints at how much the actual worth of my side of the trade ended up.
My cat died yesterday. Adrenal crisis? Yes, please! Just keep piling up everything...
I'll be okay...somehow. And of course I had a ton of responses last time. I'll interview a LOT more than two next time...