Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Passion for a Past; A Pastime Possibly?

I've thought and thought and thought some more and I wish we could go back to Long Beach to the two-bedroom together.

If I could pick where to try to pick up the pieces in order to save what matters most to me I think that our lives there are where we could do a sort of working reset.

Knowing what I do now maybe we could fix what we would fail to fix this timeline so our love could be saved, my health could be prepared for, and the worst of our mistakes not occur with our 20/20 hindsight helping with our preparation.

To know about my future health problems would change so much! To know some of our missteps might mean we could sidestep at least a few.

But all this fantasy does me no good in reality. I'm struggling against a very bad candida attack from my belly to my mouth. There's no more real reality than this pain I never seem to lose no matter what my doctors try. And my marriage is over no matter what I may hope for so far as that goes, too.

The pain keeps increasing with no outlet for escape from it. Drinking iced water and remaining curled up in bed to rest my body, I consider what future do I really have? What way to turn from pain unceasing and increasing?

The mail must be sorted.
The BPAL scents must be posted to sell.
Saturday I lose my house for ever.
Too much loss coupled with so much pain means naught but a desire for consolation overwhelms me at the moment.