Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Rough Night; Need Comfort & Love

Went with Ms. Blau to run errands for her, than Target for me, then an ICU visit to a good friend of hers. Though I only know him from online and his being a friend of a bunch of my friends, the situation apparently hit me harder than expected.

Luckily it waited until I got home.

Eating junk food while sipping juice and seltzer and then Raul made me a simple broccoli over rice dinner. After only a few bites I couldn't swallow any more. Difficult to explain.

Every time I tried to swallow this liquid came up and choked me. Realizing I was sort of choking I got Raul to grab me plastic bags to vomit into. After a small burst I stayed still - still unable to swallow without choking worse. Managed to slowly, with bag at ready, paper towels at my mouth, cane to ease my slow shaking steps to the toilet. There I managed to throw up one gigantic chunk that reminded me of the yellow pills in Austin.

It hurts incredibly. But even though I can't eat, I can breathe a bit more easily now. I've got plastic bags next to me. My pretend hospital bed is keeping my legs elevated and my back on a good incline.

Tonight has been horrible. But Mel and Raul each did what they could...especially Raul with his searching out 60s music and dancing for me to make me laugh in spite of this incredible pain and nausea and fear I'll need hospitalization again.

I wouldn't want to watch somebody struggle so hard to breathe and I scared Raul pretty damned close to where my fear level reached. Absolutely painful. I hope tomorrow doesn't hurt nearly as much.