Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

She's Dead : Purrbarella RIP

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I need to put together a photographic memorial from the huge collection I built up from when we originally got her.

I'm devastated by my loss. Purrbarella loved me in the most wonderful way and to lose her, in any way, never mind this one, hurts and Femme Pois does love me as much, but it's different.

They found diabetes and fluid around her lungs. There was no chance. Once she started slipping it just kept accelerating until I ended up holding her gently and whispering the words I know she equated with the most positive verbal feedback from me so she opened her eyes before she slipped into unconsciousness and I saw her recognize me, the words, and she didn't die alone in the vet room.

She and I loved one another, never mind my allergy to cats. I don't know how to feel now that our first baby died. I feel nauseous of course but I've got a mental nausea on top too. I did not get her ashes, but I'm getting a paw print from the vet and I'm getting her salmon pink back bunny paw done as a special request.

I'm shaking. If any friends want to hold me or distract me, please feel that I welcome your companionship. I can't believe my nurse cat baby sweetling is dead. I feel so much pain on top of the usual. I loved Purrbarella. The loss is still too much for me to understand or take in.