Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Surrounded By Love?

My pets are bizarre in vastly different ways. Petal insists on kneading & sucking on my fluffy silver blankie. Femme Pois insists on being second only to me & she & Petal curl up together sometimes. Lolita, Princess of Goth has her own idiosyncratic behaviors. Zweite Ein does odd things such as last night when I heard her nails slowly clicking up & down the hall until I called her & she finally climbed the pet stairs to join the crew in my bed. All four of them will sleep with me, giving me little room but much pleasure.

In fact I've got three of the four on the bed with each of them touching me while sleeping. Definitely unconditional love. Which I happen to need lately. I'm beyond overwhelmed by the negatives in life, but after another talk with Michael I feel more reassured than ever that I could not have done a thing to change the problems he has. The main of it all comes from places in him I could never fix. His addictions are real and very visible once a person stops blindly blaming themselves and looks at the truths kept hidden.

The worst part is Michael would have made a great roommate and knowing that I'm left beating myself up. Must stop. Back to reading my "real" books for now. This hurt and sadness will go away, but not quickly. My best friend has gone missing and Shawn has completely cut me out of his life which I never expected and which hurts incredibly on top of all these other lies and betrayals.

Thankfully I have my pets around me, giving me love, and Michael says he wants me as a friend in his life. We shall see. I need the pain to ease up. I even walked the dogs to the underpass and back today. I'm trying so very hard yet I feel as though I'm being sucked back and down with little to assist me from going completely under.

I'm using this outlet so I face the world with a happier face. It helps. I would love a hug right now...