Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Filed under: help?

Oxymoronics? And intervening. Etc.

1. The more I miss Shawn the more I also recognize I'm happier than I've been in a while.

2. Or is it the happier I feel the more I miss Shawn?

3. Will and I had a really good discussion tonight and it ended up with us acknowledging that if he's capable, he's possibly going to move back north in maybe as soon as two weeks to three weeks from now.

4. Tirhas at the SNF I just left spoke with me, semi-seriously, about adopting her 10-year-old niece back in Ethiopia. The mother has abandoned her to the father, or in realistic terms, Tirhas' parents, the girl's grandparents. I'd seriously consider it because other than my disability I would make a wonderful mommy. And yet it's a pipe dream, I'm sure. Though I know that Tirhas' family would definitely help out with babysitting and heck I'd go back to getting loads of free veggie Ethiopian food. ;-)

5. Should I move into a one-bedroom and pay somebody to come in for a specific hourly wage? How oxymoronic is it that even Will thinks it will save me money to do either that or maybe move to a one story two-bedroom where the other person pays rent? But I don't know. I'm considering searching what Cedar Properties has opening up in June.

Chip called about TAM and that was fun, babbling at him. And I'm sad that my Project Open Hand dinner tonight looked and tasted like dog food. Vegetarian dog food, maybe, but still...beyond gross. Usually it's not that bad. But tonight? Yuck!

I've been slowly watching the show "Intervention" and it's only this season (4) where I'm capable of relating. Because they're showing how fucked up these families are that helped create these situations. Telling your tomboy obviously lesbian daughter she's going to hell while you're an adulterer? Beating your kids and abandoning them when you're ready to move on? Sending them into the military where they end up killing people in Iraq and come back with huge survivor guilt? Or how about the family ignoring the invisible illness causing serious pain and calling the person an addict and cutting them from all the meaningful family events? That one they even brought in a doctor to "chastise" the family for that shit. Wish they'd done that for me...

Once In A While People Surprise

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I'm so incredibly knocked back by the past couple of years. Things healthwise continue to get worse.

My eldest cat, Purrbarella, whom belonged to Shawn in name and to me in heart, died in my arms a few weeks ago. My ex betrayed every bit of trust that I ever gave to him and each week brings a new shock including his behavior leading to my insurance and prescription coverages are both cancelled.

Erica has effectively abandoned her promise to help protect and assist me for a short period of time while I had my search for my new roommate/caregiver. But when I really seriously need her, she pulls the stunt of betrayal by denial that she always does. Why can't I trust anybody? Because those who I love quite often do betray my trust. Paranoia would be if I didn't have the facts backing up these feelings.

And watching the series "Camelot" I'm stunned already by the differences to many of the tales they made this version. Arthur screwing Guinnivere before she marries his first ever champion (not Galahad). Bleagh.

Need to make something easy yet healthy to eat. Roasted veggies may fit the bill. Even this late.

On the plus side: I lost my beloved and precious Kindle yesterday. I found a number I didn't recognize from out of state and the person left a message that was slightly ambiguous but the guy found it and called me and somebody from his construction team will bring it to me tomorrow morning! I had already called the only places it could have been but it must have fallen off my rollator only to be found on the sidewalk or by where my car had been parked.

I told the gentleman he had done more than his good deed of the week in his returning it to me. Granted I wouldn't have lost any of the digital media, but there's the expensive cover with built in reading light and so forth. I'm so pleased about it in multiple ways.

It's 10pm on Tuesday evening. Do any of my friends want to come to my rescue in companionship and watch a movie and eat some of my first ever homemade bread using my first ever breadmaker set up and apparently working just fine!

Okay. Things to do before sleeping:

1. Make food
2. Eat food
3. Watch more dreck
4. Walk dogs before 1am
5. Remember to take meds
6. Send Safeway shopping order in
7. Go through prepping mail for COBRA fix attempt
8. Start aquarium water renovation
9. Finish cleaning fridge for tomorrow

That's more than enough but with no care I have to hurt myself in order to try to keep afloat. There's so many little things that pile up. My illness keeps me from having the ability to do these things without it majorly causing problems for my health. Yet if I let it go, it will only continue in a downward vicious cycle. I have to balance very carefully.

And last but not least the pictures are of my sprained thumb with glaring deep bruise, my first piece of homemade bread (with butter) from my first ever loaf of homemade bread from my first ever bread machine. I used a Fleischmann's Italian Herb mix and it's so freaking EASY. So come to care for me and have a slice or two of fresh baked bread. And then a shot of a person who does far more than she should and far more, in fact, than she safely can manage...

Exhaustion And Ex-exuberance

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I'm getting quite desperate for money to pay for my pets necessary vaccinations and such. Today I spent what I thought would go toward their shots on their food and litter. Of course I've got them set for a month on all that now but unless I can sell even one or two items I'm stuck and in trouble.

I've got this post: http://mollyblack.posterous.com/more-for-sale-electronics-collectibles which has some things, but I've always got more. My iPod Touch 4 (32gigs) with extras in original box is still unsold. As is the TomTom GPS. I'm seriously considering selling my PowerBook which has a brand new hard drive as well as optical. I'm definitely selling the blue iMac. Prices are set but I'm keeping them in the equivalent of blue book value.

$250
$99
$1200
$250

Local sale only unless I know you and cash or verified Paypal only as well... :-)