Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Filed under: pets

I Can't Take Much More Of This

I _JUST_ found out that I'm not able to get to go to PT Rehab today, after all and once again. To call this devastating actually seems a bit of an understatement. It's not merely the pain. It's not merely the isolation. There are so many layers and levels as to why this has me mentally curved into a foetus position though I can't physically do so. Or I would.

This keeps happening and I'm so in need of my babies right now. Having all of these illnesses rolling on top of one another and not having the love and care to help sustain me at times like these just seems to make it feel even worse.

The red rash on the inside crease of my elbow appears to have been a fungal infection of the candida variety. At least it got caught in time so that though I've a few "dents" in my skin, most of it has cleared up. That's not shockingly upsetting since it's merely more physical evidence of how sick my body is as a whole.

There's a million things more but I'm far too sick to try and continue. Suffice to say that if you know me and know how and where to find me, please do. I'm in deep need of help. Emotional especially. My teeth are about to fall out of my head and I can barely handle sitting up and I seriously keep thinking I've reached the end of my proverbial rope only to find out that there's a little bit further I can fall.

About to overtly beg for visitors but there's very little reason to. Off to try for exhausted or maybe exhausting distraction. Need to call home and ask Will to bring a few things anyway...

Sunny Back Porch With Pets

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Trying to take care of the pets and the home and myself and yet not wear myself to a point where collapse occurs. I can do things very slowly that will keep the pets fed, exercised, and well cared for. Better than myself, in fact. See them on the porch with me. I included a pic of the 2nd bedroom. Why not, right?

But the longer I postpone finding either a caregiver/roommate or even a new place to live that fits my basic needs for ease (first floor with no apartment above me or just an artists studio or cottage on a friends property with a place to let the dogs out) the closer to collapse I'll end up.

Now I'm divorced perhaps I can marry a Canadian or European or New Zealand friend to go with my media and pets for better health care and love of companionship bringing us together. Ah well, I can dream. Even this sick and disabled I have a lot to not only offer, but to bring to any relationship. Platonic or romantic. Or some odd mix of the two.

This was supposed to be just the pets but I've got so much whirling around in my head ever since the finalization of my divorce, followed by Purrbarella dying, and the next day the three days notice. Yes, I gave her two weeks the same day, but that would have given me care I need while going through this chaos.

Tracy told me to stop berating myself for having bad judgment. I'm unsure of what to do next. Should I look for a roommate, paying only, and hire a part-time assistant? Should I find a less expensive place through my current management company and move to a place of my own?

Money saved to go to part time care? Safeway delivers for between $4-$10 and that done twice a month is nothing. For $79-/year I can get the pet food delivered at no extra charge. And so forth. To have the flat cleaned professionally twice a month and the same with my laundry - all comes to beyond reasonable. So my biggest needs remain doctor visits and help getting around.

I wonder what to do next...oh. Besides making sure I take my medications and eat my yogurt. I'm only several hours late. My memory fails when it comes to care of my self. I could really use some help in the interim. Anyway. The pets are okay. I wish I was.

Exhaustion And Ex-exuberance

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I'm getting quite desperate for money to pay for my pets necessary vaccinations and such. Today I spent what I thought would go toward their shots on their food and litter. Of course I've got them set for a month on all that now but unless I can sell even one or two items I'm stuck and in trouble.

I've got this post: http://mollyblack.posterous.com/more-for-sale-electronics-collectibles which has some things, but I've always got more. My iPod Touch 4 (32gigs) with extras in original box is still unsold. As is the TomTom GPS. I'm seriously considering selling my PowerBook which has a brand new hard drive as well as optical. I'm definitely selling the blue iMac. Prices are set but I'm keeping them in the equivalent of blue book value.

$250
$99
$1200
$250

Local sale only unless I know you and cash or verified Paypal only as well... :-)