Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

"When You've Been Made An Outsider, You're Always Angry."

P525

Watching a Harlan Ellison documentary that's causing me heartache for various themes touched upon are affecting me greatly. The picture I've attached is a close up of the outside of Ellison's house. If he could marry five times and apparently successfully this last time maybe I can fall in love again. But a part of me has come to see things Erica's way. Though who knows?

I know currently that my heart breaks due to missing my friends and my fears that the worsening symptoms are not due to one of my medications but are due to a worsening of whatever is the underlying cause, as Dr. Neuwelt phrased it. As my quality of life continues to slowly diminish what to do scares me to even try to figure out tomorrow.

The fear is getting worse. But I do know that it does not help. And I do try to distract myself with my pets and games and books and movies and the joy of news from my friends. Watching this documentary about Ellison. "Art is not supposed to be easy!" My short stories need finishing. My novel needs to go from an outline and short paragraphs to at least a series of short stories hooked together with some of my research into the realm of conspiracies throughout the years to pull it all together.

Harlan Ellison has the most amazing house and apparently he had a very super active love life in LA during the 60s & 70s. He apparently considers his marching with Martin Luther King to Selma his most proud moment in his life. He's very close friends with Neil Gaiman and Robin Williams. He's very proud of the life he lived as a super smart, highly thought of writer, that was at base a tiny Jew from the middle of the country.

My OKCupid profile has my dream mate sketched out. Cuddling is definitely something I'm missing. The four of my pets are trying but I don't think their cuddles are fulfilling the cuddle type that I need. Love cuddles without allergens. LOL.